everything happens for a reason. if u no longer love me, y cant i forget u?

hi everyone! i have suvive through another day again! hahaha
today went sch had fit run, than after that straight was chem test. oh, i have so many careless mistake that i wan to kill myself. its like so wasted! it was suppose to be 2+ but than i wrote +2. like that no marks! ah! see! how blur im . after that had ss, was trying to read the lit storybook. lol but didnt read finish. than during lit, teacher no come. no test. hahaha! english was ok i think. shihui told me wat to study. hahaha love her so much! for the test i was afraid my english not good. vic was so happy after the test cos she was prepared. lol
today's main topic was "is sad or lonely better?" hahaha many say that sad was better. to me, both was bad. cos i don wan sad!! after that went home straight. no place to go again. hahaha. bye!
last night, u came online on twitter, but u went to talk to her. hahaha. i guess im just extra. no longer worth for u to talk to. but wat m i waiting for.

tears r the words, the heart cant express

hi im back :) yes im having 3 test tmr n i didnt bring home my lit storybook. i have lit test tmr!! i m so blur! lol time pass really fast today. n i have been smiling the whole day. so tired. having to pretend to be happy. but i have to be strong rite, anot ill make myself sad. today morning went sch n found out that i have history test! than quickly started studying . lucky is sbq :) n ya, my history test i have read the wrong Q again. always like that one. lol after sch wanted to go home straight to study. hahah good girl! actually im arent a good girl. is just that no one have time for me :) hahaha! sounds pathetic rite. oh, ytd's blog post i said until half way only, ya i was struck under the building for like 20 min, n no one is there to save me! im waiting for superman :) hahaha! end up decided to just walk home like that cos its late alrdy. no one will bother abt me, so i decide to just walk home despite the rain. it was so nice walking under the rain like that, it makes me think of how pathetic im now. lol . i rmbed the last time i have done that is like sec 2, i rmb i was so happy last time walking under the rain, despite getting u scolding. at least i noe that someone actually cares. but now, everything is different, u have moved on, so easily. n me, struck in the past.
i rmb ytd telling shihui how much i hate wen someone say just move on, wat so difficult, there is alot of guys better out there. yes, there is alot of guys out there. but none of them can replace all those memories. all the places u use to bring me to, all the msgs we had making fun of each other, all the presents u give to me to make me happy. who actually noes abt them. except me .
actually arent i silly, i use to telling my friends wat to do wen they r facing relationship problems. i told them , "yes i noe every of u friends will be there for u, but that's only in the day. at nite, its all really abt urself. " all day long, u might be busy n forget abt all those unhappy stuff, but at nite, that's wen memories start hunting u back. that's y people often cry themselves to sleep.
today at class, chao dong told me, its really going to be a long time to recover from it. but i didnt reply him. cos me myself noes abt it. n there's nth i can do abt it.
hahaha, go back to after sch today. after sch, i walk home with haikal. i could feel that he is also sad cos of relationship. but i better not say anything to make him sad. so i just kept silent. along the way, i was talking to him abt relationship things. he told me u crazy, y sad so long. i nvr reply cos i noe no one will understand. :)
up till today, next week will maybe be the day i will cry the hardest cos of the 1 yr thing. n yes, im so afraid of it, cos i noe i cannot face it. but i cant stop time rite. hahaha! sorry for all the sad things. bye :)
i don noe y u can let go so easily, n pls let me read the words u wrote. maybe to u , my words is nth. but to me, u words still  matters

why

hi everyone :) hahaha! ill make a quick post for today. today was a rainy day. lol . that wasnt the point. the point was that im struck under a building for like 20 min plus. hahaha!  silly isnt it. somemore theres a cockroach beside me. hahaha! today as usual  had lessons in sch. was like stoning abt wat happen last nite. n yes, im having a test next week on that day. why! i bet i cant really study. i will like maybe stone for the whole day. hahaha. after sch , went compassvale mall with shihui :) ate subway. my favourite! actually wanted to go compass, but i don wan to go cos im afraid that i will like break down in subway. lol weird rite. theres a story behind it, doesnt wan to say :) than wen subway to eat , after that start talking abt the situatuion im in now. today chao dong said i was pathetic. yes, i admit. becos i cant let go . so wat to do. later post if i have the chance. dad's back! hahaha

dead

hi world :) today was a normal day. however the feeling is still there. when will it go away? i kept asking myself. today in class i was so silly, keep thinking abt it. that i was like dreaming. than i went to ask zul n chao dong abt it. lol the best advise r from those who don noe any thing :) i asked them either i should ask him out to watch movie. cos he alrdy like someone else. so it will be stupid if i ask him out cos its like i don wan to let him go. silly me isnt it! oh chao dong still told me that an average person will take one year  n 15 days to forget abt a person. lol i bet ill take way longer than that. its so hard to forget!! why? :( today wen we were having discussion for pe, haikal still say abt relationship. he said that what hurts the most after break ups is when u r standing infront of a person who is once ur everything n shower u with hugs. but now he is only like a stranger to you. yeah, i noe. thats exactly how im feeling.it really hurts. ah! can i just go die to stop the pain? oh , i just msg him to ask abt it the movie. but guess wat, im rejected :) yes, now my heart is breaking . bye! :)

unwanted

lalala, hi everyone :) was reading all of the post i post last time. i was so silly back than! lol it have been such a long time i havent been blogging. i think a year plus? haha. i will post often these few days, since i have so many things to say n i doubt anyone will read. ( best place to say out everything) :)
during this one year plus, so many things happen, a relationship for me. i don noe where or how to start. lol but somehow i really need a person to talk to. so i guess i will just say here. after reading those past post, it somehow made me want to go back to the past, where he n i would msg everyday day. where he n i would laugh over little things. endless laugh throughout the nights. yeah, i noe i sounds like i miss him. its the fact i couldnt escape.
these few weeks, i have been trying my best to escape, those feelings,those memories. im so tired.. at a point of time i would think that maybe, dieing would be better. maybe right? who knows :) just now was raining, n yes, evertime the sky startes to rain, i would go crazy n start emoing again .not only wen it rains, everynite it also happens. eventhough it have past for a few weeks, coming to a months, but to me, its like ytd. our memories. how i wish, u would tell me lets forget abt the past, n be together again . hahaha happy dreaming nicole! ahh everything have change so much. why? ill continue tmr i guess :) wait for me ok!! hahaha
                                                         
                                                                                                                       i know to you im the past alrdy, u love someone else now. but to me, all those feelings have nvr change. silly me.

it's sad to know that the only thing u can talk to now is ur bear...

oh! i hattteee today!!! :( today sucks!!! :( lots of things happen... i don wan to hear anything le!!! seriously if dieing could help me from solving all my problems, i will do it! :(  ahhhh! seems like i'm back to one... to the very first step... ;(

Pain is inevitable. suffering is optional.

emm... back to post.. :D
haha~ seriously, i also don noe wat i should write now.. but don noe y, juz wanting to post... oh ya, now it's almost mid night, tmr has to wake up early to go for my cca camp... but i can't sleep! and i'm worrying abt alot of things now...  how??! :( my brain was like divided into a few parts, all thinking abt different things..
zzz.... nvm! okays, let me write abt some things now..
1) went to bugis ytd wif yating ytd.. brought shirt n head phones.. :D happy me! but, ytd didn't buy the bag... now i regretted!!! argh!! :(

2) ytd, after went back to hougang went to meet parents n wanted to buy my shoes at Cotton on! BUT! don have my size!!! WHY WHY?! there only got 39 & 41 and my size is 40! arghhhh!! so angry!!!! why those shoes i wanted to buy sure don have my size de?! last time at Thailand the same thing happen also!! :@

3) today went back to sch for cca training.. omg.. i play the angklung until my fingers almost break... haha! but alot of funny stuff happen~ funny day~ :D

4) Never ever cry for someone who won't cry for u! if people can still live without u, u will have no reason to drown urself with tears everyday! ok! NICOLE! u must rmb!


5) i haven't finish packing my things for tmr's camp...  and everyone in my house is alrdy sleeping.. omg! must go pack now le! byess~
Lastly, see that picture? haha! that was brought ytd at bugis with yating.. haha! nicenice~ :D
oh.. and ya ya! yating, if  one day really u wan to turn into a boy muz tell me hor! i will 紧紧抓住你, and make you marry me! HAHAHAHA!